“Just where in the Sam-Hill have you been?! No letters, no entries, no funny smells! And you owe me money!”

Ok well, not to make excuses or anything but I couldn’t log in anymore and my email address had changed. After letters to get my account reset (several of them) I finally rebuilt the hard drive of my old computer, found the mail file, rebuilt it, and got my account information.

As an appology for those who actually missed me I offer the following interpretations of the warnings from www.ready.gov as a public service to my beloved, besieged country:

MMORPG For Fun And Profit

I ran across this and I truely don’t know what to say about it:
http://www.power-leveling.com/index.htm

Lazy, gullible, insecure, pointless, clueless…none of them seem to fit really. I have to admit I never would have thought of this.

Well, to be more specific, that anyone would :

1. Buy a game
2. Pay for an online monthly account
3. Give me access to it
4. Pay me to play it

It’s like driving someone to a restaurant, paying for the meal, paying them to eat it, leaving the tip..only to get the artificially inflated reputation as a regular customer or a good tipper.

In some situations, thinking outside the box is good…but when you spot someone *eating* the box then selling his own leavings as art, you just have to give a nod to the truely different thinker in the bunch.

That being said, having this as a job would totally suck all the fun out of it for me; but I can see how putting together an elaborate way of building a character the fastest way possible would only beg the question ‘Can I sell this without giving away how I do it?’.

I’m not sure if my reaction is a general ‘What the f…?’, or ‘Dang, I wish I had thought of that!’ but there must be SOME demand for this and I suppose, now that I think about it, that’s what really puzzles me.

Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Puking His Spleen

Oh sure. You folks with kids think it’s funny when those little Power-Ranger-Pokemon-Crazed petri dishes you call kids get your single freinds sick when they baby sit for you. Well ok, some of you don’t; but the reality is only that you’re able to contain that little chuckle you feel building up inside better than most.

Spent all day in bed but I can finally sit up without wanting to take a Makita cordless to my left temple. I don’t know what it was, but it kicked my ass. And that’s saying something because I rarely get sick at all.

In my case, I was trying teach them the game of hide and seek. At 3 and 5 they sure do have a lot to learn, lemme tell ya.I had a Pokemon DVD in one tv and Power Rangers in the other. Just a tip here…unless you plan on hiding for 3 hours listening to your own heartbeat, turn off shows like this. After about 30 minutes of silence, I catch both of them standing in the middle of the living room watching Pokemon….the term ‘seek’ having completely left their little minds. “Hey, what’s going on!”

“Aha, caught you!”

“No you didn’t, my leg fell asleep and I was getting faint from lack of water.”

<mass of giggles followed by lame attempt by two little people that don’t weigh any more than my left leg to tackle me>

“You two haven’t quite got this ‘seek’ thing down have you?”

<no response, but one of them is halfway up my back because she made a flying leap from the back of the couch…fearless that one.>

“Ok, this time you two hide and I’ll count. And hide someplace besides mom’s closet, ok? We’ve done that 3 times already.”

<diminishing sound of laughing as they run off…but by the sound of it, mom’s closet of course>

Oh sure, I searched all over the house first…then when I approach the closet…

“You know, you two need to stop laughing if you’re going to hide. And leave the beach ball someplace else because it’s getting to be a dead give-away you know.”

Nothing..but now some very soft ‘nose laughing’…a fair attempt at silence I must admit.

I aquieced to watching Pokemon..the whole thing…all the way through. And in my opinion, it’s cheating when you change only one letter in a name and make like it’s a different creature. “That one’s Alimortal and that one’s Alimartal..” What!?

Morning ya’ll!

Son Of EverCrack

So..is it really peer pressure when you’re friends talk you into buying Worlds of Warcraft? Or just a lame-ass excuse? Yea, I’m leaning that way too. But are excuses always bad?

Thumb Training 101

After a T-day discussion with my youngest brother…we came to realize that all the time spent on video games hasn’t really developted any skills that can be used otherwise. I mean, even building a bookcase sharpens my ability to both cuss over the loud buzzing of a power saw as well as bandage myself one-handed. So as an experiment in both learning and financial education, I’m reading a book that we’ve all heard about I’m sure called Rich Dad, Poor Dad….AND I’m using the total of my tax refund from last year and this year to start investing in stocks instead of all this other crap I’ve been putting money into.

To that end I’m giving my modded xbox to my godson. But not before I put a ‘nekkid girl’ skin on it; hey, a godfather’s gotta hook up his godson somehow. Plus his mother knows martial arts so I may as well take the heat instead of him, right? And I’m also getting rid of the GameCube and PS2 as well. Too much time develeoping thumb-numbing skills that I’ve decided are worthless. For a place to buy these skins, see my affiliates…they’re are VERY well done…so much so I’m personally recommending them.

Atlanticons, Rehabilitate!

I were a Transformer I’d very much like to turn into a MINI Cooper. My name would be FasterBlaster and my skill would be sneaking up behind the enemy very quickly during battle and playing extreamly loud (we’re talking Hitchhikers-Guide-To-The-Galaxy-Disaster-Area Loud here…I mean oort-cloud-rustling loud.Your-Grandchildren-Will-Be-Deaf Loud. So-That’s-What-My-Brain-Tastes-Like Loud..but I digress) disturbing sound effects like the sound of ripping denim seams, crushing a walnut with a floor safe, broken glass being tossed into a jet turbine, the sound of an airhorn mixed with rock quarry explosions, or Freddy Kruger scraching his ass. When not in combat, I would be in charge of psychological demoralization like Photoshoping pictures of Decepticons having sex with kitchen appliances, selected scenes from Discovery Channel programming that show airplane innards printed on little pamphlets, audio recordings of air traffic control chatter during near misses broadcast via enemy frequencies, or airline mechanic trading cards.However, I’m not quite sure if I’m honorable enough to be an Autobot. There are probably qualifications that involve:

NOT thinking a crowd of nuns running around a stretch of polo pitch hitting each other with paintball-ink-filled purses is funny.

NOT having scared the crap out of your two little brothers by hiding a walkie-talkie at the foot of the bunk bed in their toychest at night.

But I’m not nearly evil or whiney enough to be a Decepticon. Perhaps a new group of beings that turn into ships and seagoing vessels the…Atlanticons. We’d just drink and sail and make fun of seasick people..hmmm, that doesn’t sound very good. Anyway, our leader would be an oval-shaped submarine Transformer and her name would be Jennoid Omega. Her minion would be an obsessive-compulsive torpedo named Squirt.

You heard it here first…Go Hasbro!

This is a short text prayer for the very small kitten we tried to rescue yesterday. It does not have a name or a sex. It was only less dangerous than a pet virus. It has a white cross on it’s gray face and couldn’t have weighed more than 10oz. I stopped to protect it from traffic and thought it had ran away by ducking under my car only to find that it was hiding in the suspension as soon as I arrived at work and closed the door. The first meow I thought was my imagination, after that I got some help and it took us about 45 minutes to get it out. None of us could keep it because it was far too young to have been ‘abandoned’ and none of us are married to Army medical personel. Two of my freinds at work were bitten and had to get shots today. I’m calling it MacGyver because of how quickly it used the available and very small opening in the bottom of my car to hide from harm. We set it free in a safer location close to where it was in danger so the yowling could be heard by mom if she was close by. I’m hoping the hour it was in our care didn’t cause it more harm than good.

Take care little one and find your mother. Stay away from pavement and may nature keep you safe AND out of trouble. For your 40 minute stay in our lab while we were calling shelters only to find they would probably put you to sleep if we took you in, we’re sorry you were so scared. Take care little one and find your mother.

The Laughing Sob

I feel quite sure that laughing until you begin crying, and how often that happens says much about a person. I’m not exactly sure what it says, mind you…but it indicates something important. It’s proabably used as an indicator of who NOT to abduct for an anal probe by little grey aliens.

Ok. A *working* theory.

I’d have to say it ends up happening to me about once a week. The latest jag was watching  _Norman Rockwell is Bleeding_ (Christopher Titus’ comedy special)…durn near wet myself. Last week it was a piece of animation near the beginning of Ratchet and Clank : Up Your Arsenal where Captain Quark lays out his rescue plan drawn in stick figures by crayon on what is obviously a wide-ruled (probably meant to be Big Chief) tablet paper. I couldn’t play any longer I was crying so hard. Oh sure, I tried…but alas twas no use.

Restroom Pondering

There’s this sticker on the extra toilet paper roll that says:

‘Please Conserve-Complete Other Roll First’

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the issue of conservation better addressed by the staff that supplies the paper not throwing away a partially used roll when stocking? I mean, I’ve seen folks skip out of a restroom right past the sink leaving a closing stall door sound and a smell that can only be politely described as ‘Newly Deployed’ behind them.

I’m not about to begrudge someone using a new roll if they feel like it. Come to think of it… how much money, time, and paper would they ‘conserve’ NOT making or using those idiot stickers? And let’s not kid ourselves about the ‘quality’ of this product in the first place…I think it was, as the previous post mentioned…used in that Kung Fu test where he walked across the rice paper on the floor, yes? I’ve seen higher quality paper used as packing material.

I end this with a curse. May the person who came up with the idea of automating the flushing of a toilet be crushed under a motorized garage door. Again and again and again.