April 9, 2002
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Up late again..is it just me or is anyone else embarassed about what comes on the airwaves during late night? Other countries, cultures, nations must see us as a very self-absorbed and petty society when viewed through the hail of infomercial content.
A discussion I had with Leah tonight brings up another point about people. Is it better to not be able to be alone, or to make it alone and choose not to be alone? I suppose it's kind of like asking if staying in a difficult relationship shows strength, or weakness; or if turning over control of a relationship to another person is a product of self-confidence (and confidence in that person), or an apathetic or non-commital attitude. In both cases, I've found, it can be both...it all depends on where you're seeing from and from where it stems. There are times when, to keep my own sanity, I have to fight *against* optimism; does that make me too trusting..too naive..too, I dunno, sadly clueless about the world in general. I wonder..
Comments (4)
Okay, am I playing a part in your midlife crisis or are you playing a part in mine?
Heh, hard to say; since to each other, we qualify at least in the catagory of "Drinkin' Buddy", my first thought is say both. My brother admits to overthinking situations and my inner primate often worries about things like this while I'm in a situation and find myself torn between two courses of action that my heart and my brain can't agree on.
In my case, it only made sense that I not get involved with someone when her life was in a shambles. As much as my middle-brain superhero wanted to help, I couldn't avoid thinking that what I did for and with her should be limited to just that...help. We were friends first, and friends help one another. But anything beyond that, to me, felt like I would be taking advantage of the situation...collecting emotional and spiritual currency for what could be interpreted as and what indeed felt like, less than noble reasons. But I'm afraid my insistance that she get her life back together first, with my help of course, has chilled those feelings in her...and in turn, made me question my own decision making. Again that overthinking thing with me...but I have to stay true to myself first; because that's where the face I have to shave, the space I have to live in, and depending on what you believe in, what I'll have to answer for later.
Wow. You deleted my post. Wow.
Actually, I NEVER delete ANYTHING...it's not for me to do, in my own opinion. The only thing I've deleted on this site was the Xanga welcome private post...
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