The battle of the house continues:
I've been staying with my father for a few months, and I brought my cats with me. Now before I describe the situation with his dog and now this drama is playing out, let me introduce my boys:
Mister Bubble:
- Holds a grudge longer than any other domesticated animal short of an elephant
- Claims the highest spot in the room...well the highest spot that doesn't require any effort; like my head
- Jedi Master Level pouter...can make you feel guilty for washing out the water bowl and depriving him of agua for even a few minutes
- Named for his concessive/compulsive traits, using the bath bubbles as an example, he knows there's water under there, he knows he doesn't like water, but he's drawn to the bubbles like Homer Simpson to individually-wrapped cheese singles..."Aaarrrh...cheeeeese!"
La Fou:
- Very possibly the stupidest cat on the face of the planet (were he a cartoon cat, you could play his head like an empty soda bottle by blowing across one ear)
- Very possibly the sweetest animal in existence (has NO concept of betrayal, punishment, or rejection...'Ooo, you're petting me! That's really gooooodddd!')
- Purrs constantly...no really! He purrs constantly...you can rub is fur backward until the static electricity makes his nostrils arc electricity. Still purring.
- He drools like a dog; come to think of it, his dog qualities out-number is cat qualities 10 to 1
- Enjoys having his butt spanked...don't ask how this was found out, just take my word for it. He LOVES it.
- Named after Gaston's dim-witted sidekick/accomplice in Beauty and The Beast
..there's more, but this isn't really about them so much as the dynamic of these two when a small dog is thrown into the mix. And may I add, a spoiled-rotten, attention hound of a bitch if there ever was one. So cute it should be illegal, so hyper she could be an alternative energy source, and so baffled by the presence of two cats that couldn't bewilder her more if you shaved her down and replaced her tail with a feather duster. Her name, a black and white poodle/lhasa apso mix, is Cookie.
Cookie has these chew toys, hide bones really, that she'll chew on for hours....much to the entertainment of the boys. They watch her do this the way a vegetarian would watch someone eat monkey brains...revolted, but fascinated at the same time; unable to relate in any way, but also unable to look away. Now Cookie thinks they are, in some way, lusting after her prized possessions, these slimy, disgusting hide strips. The latest battle is for the boys to try to make it through the living room, littered with half-chewed bones (we put them up, but she'll get each one of them out and soon you have an obstacle course) without her seeing them. But every once in a while, they can't help it, they'll stop and sniff at one of the bones. Cookie, if she sees them, will jump down to defend her prize and charge one of them; causing one of two reactions:
- Oh shit! At which point much scattering of tails and fur ensues in a veritable Copperfieldian display of vanishing ability..now you see 'em, now you don't.
- Ease-Up, Shortie! Followed by a growl, a right/left/right swat combination that would make any prize fighter envious, or a combination of both.
Now, just when you thought the rules were in place, and the lines were drawn; someone shakes the Yahtzee cup and everything changes. Now the competition is...yours truly. I'm sitting on the couch, minding my own business, and after a while, as usual, I have two cats lounging on me in various positions. This is ok until I begin to actively *pet* one of them and Cookie sees it. She literally cannot STAND this! She will crawl into this nest of claws on my chest, and attempt to settle right in front of my face to make sure SHE is closer to me than the other two.
Now normally, if I just stay still, all is fine. But Fou can't stand it because the dog's tail is wagging...did I mention that Fou never did outgrow kitten-dom? This is a disaster waiting to happen, and all on MY chest.
- If the dog freaks, then the mass exodus will surely remove the first layer of skin off of my upper body in a Wile E. Coyote dropped into an Acme Sheep Shearing Machine sort of way.
- If the cat misses and hits me, I'll flinch and the same fission reaction and ritual blood-letting.
- If Fou *doesn't* miss, the dog freaks, but the cat's claw is now in her tail so the cat/dog combo forms a biological hurricane so close to my face I can HEAR the hair coming out, also not good
So now, how long I'm able to watch tv revolves around how many animals are in my general vicinity..how much of a book I can finish is directly related to the jealousy of a dog. sigh, time to move.
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