Zane's Top 11 Reasons it Would be Fun to Transmit
Your Enemies As Energy Via a Teleporter
11. Convert them to a wavelength of light used to grow a hybrid strain of hops used in a beer that bears their name.
10. Convert the energy into electricity, store it in a battery, then put that in a book light that the local dairy farmer uses while he's in the outhouse.
9. Use the energy it to power a UV laser and setup a kiosk in the mall to etch key fobs and friendship bracelets.
8. Toast a bagel then decide you ain't hungry and feed it to yer dog.
7. Power a kiln that you use to fire some handmade pottery that you intentionally break.
6. Beam the energy into one of those Easter eggs with the window in it so they can live in that little house.
5. Materialize them feet first into a quick-drying bock of concrete situated in the middle of a Port-O-John farm at a chili cookoff.
4. Aim them at the Christmas tree so they spend their last minutes all 'twinkley'.
3. Use the energy to power your woodburning project of copying the Gutenberg Bible onto hundreds of cedar shingles.
2. Fire them into the Waxahatchie Superconducting Supercollider, particularly if they were a NASCAR fan. WEEEEEEE!
1. Rematerialize them as felt material for use on the beak of one of those drinking birds that tilts back…and forth…and back…and forth…..forever.
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