"Just where in the Sam-Hill have you been?! No letters, no entries, no funny smells! And you owe me money!"

Ok well, not to make excuses or anything but I couldn't log in anymore and my email address had changed. After letters to get my account reset (several of them) I finally rebuilt the hard drive of my old computer, found the mail file, rebuilt it, and got my account information.

As an appology for those who actually missed me I offer the following interpretations of the warnings from www.ready.gov as a public service to my beloved, besieged country: