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  • I wanna see the croc-hunter wrangle a hummingbird. He wouldn't even get past 'These little guys are really aggress....aaaahhh!' as one of them plucks out his eyeball like a cocktail olive. I was watching them after work today; a Micro-Machines (tm) version of Top Gun mixed with a tennis match where the rackets are replaced with bazookas. My neck was starting to hurt...then I looked down and realized what a sight this must have made. The boys were at my feet glued to the window like a Survivor addict to an E-Bay auction of Colby's underthings.  I couldn't help but wonder, where the hummingbirds a commercial on 'Cat TV', or a soap?


    I'm betting on a soap.

  • Hey campers! Just in case you were all wondering where Zane was spending all his spare time lately...it wasn't your breath:



    That's right kids, I'm truly dangerous now. Passed the 2nd exam a few hours ago. But don't worry, my email tag lines aren't approaching 'overseas steamer trunk' gaudiness, I don't like that stuff. But it is an accomplishment I had to share with ya'll; now, since my typing ability and my consciousness are quickly being redirected to /dev/null, I gotta get some sleep. Been up since 7am studying after getting only 4 hours sleep the night before....


    "No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food." -Long Duk Dong


    Hmm, make that *sleep*. Night all, take care!


    Z

  • Mornin' folks, I just had a customer abbreviate his spelling of Windows CE (for those who don't know, they use it on mobile devices, cell phones, PDAs, urban pacification battle droids), he spelled it 'wince'....how cool is that? It's a verb, an operating system, AND the standard reaction TO that operating system as well. Some mornings just come together like that, don't they?

  • So busy...I miss ya all. But I'll be back later.


    In the meantime, I just left the bathroom and saw something that was odd, even for a men's room. Let's say you go to a urinal and you see a handfull of pennies in it; does this indicate a lower grade of wishing to anyone, or is it just me?

  • Another half mouldy loaf of bread and half a bunch of nanners that look like black, floppy...well nevermind what they look like I sure as hell ain't eatin' em. From the sharp cheddar cheese that now looks like a lightly frosted yellow brick(Na-biii-sco...<ding!>), to the onion that now has a heart as dark and mushy as Bill Gates on the day Windows XP went Gold, it's the stale food that's depressing.


     It's one of the things that makes being single a real bummer. One pack of hamburger helper is like what...4 meals? I mean, I love cheeseburger HH as much as the next guy, better than beef jerky, cold PaPa John's Pizza and a room temperature Guinness...but after the second day of it even Tabasco Green can't fix it up, ya know? Microwaved or not. The fact that my other two meals out of the day are Slim Fast and multi-vitamins doesn't help much.


    I hate cooking for just myself, and in this SuperSized, Xtra, Jumbo, 15% Free world we live in...buying single portions of anything is as expensive as it is depressing. Ugh, there's that word again.


    On a lighter note, even Intel is feeling the tech crunch in stocks this week...bout damn time, I've been taking an alcohol bath in them for months. My 401k is less 'stocks and bonds' and more 'raped and freezing'; so much so it's hard to let go because an upturn would turn out REALLY nice. Now I see how they catch those monkeys by putting the apple in the jar <insert Tim Allen ape grunt here>...


    Well folks, I'm off to bed. It's an early day tomorrow of newly appointed Windows remote installation guru Dr. Zane T. Dark on yet another mission to try to prove certain corporate IT snobs are almost always wrong; but only because they're usually too lazy to read instructions. Yea I know, I don't read them either...but when I break something, I also don't WHINE about out it either.


    Ah, I feel better, night-ol

  • Ugh! New job keeping me busy...but here's a little bit of revelation for you. Perhaps some of you have shared this moment with me and didn't even know it.


    You ever get the feeling that your sense of humor is wasted on most? You know the feeling, something said at just the right time that strikes you as FAR funnier than those around you...example? Sure, why not.


    I'm standing in line..no, check that. I'm checking out at a Randall's on my way home from work. I only have about 4 items, so the checker rings them up and just as I'm swiping my ATM card, someone must have knocked a reciever off of one of the phones while it was activated for the PA system, because this loud screeching tone began to drown out even the considerable amount of supermarket white noise so present in our modern shopping facilities.


    Someone behind me, probably with fingers in thier ears though that's just a guess because I never turned around, exclaims 'What's that!?'


    Now, less like Fozzy Bear, more like...hmmm...Bob Newhart, while keying in my PIN, not even looking up, serious as a Vulcan with Klingon version of the clap (I know, geek alert...) "A garage band fire alarm." <hit enter for end of PIN>


    Nothing..not a grin, not a groan...nothing. From anyone within earshot. Ah well, at least my humor isn't lost on me...that's a start right?


    ...or could it have been the spray cheese, tampons, ant killer and plastic party whistles in my bag.


    Nah.

  • How Far Is Too Far?


    This sunday we found out that someone took a stone from mom's gravesite. It was an engraved stone that simply read 'Angel On Duty'. It had been there almost a year, so I suppose we should count ourselves lucky it remained where it was that long. Before casting blame, we are checking to see if the attendant staff removed it, but they've cleaned around it several times over the past year and haven't bothered it.


    I hope it was just removed for safety sake and not stolen, I really do...because the alternative is just too sad to contemplate.


    I suppose the only reason I'm even entertaining the possibility of it being taken is stories I hear and read about like the people calling 9/11 victim's families and getting SS and credit card numbers from them under the pretense of gathering information to find them.


    There are somethings that the word 'embarassing' just doesn't cover; and when people do things like this part of me is embarassed to be in the same general vicinity as them...meaning earth.

  • Ya know, this whole tshirt thing brings up a point that I can't avoid every damn time I go into a department store or supermarket. In order to not put too fine a point on it; I have always taken issue with corporate America's justifications and commercial behavior modification attempts to rape the female wallet. A harsh wording to be sure, but valid to the core nonetheless.


    It starts with row upon row of magazine and tabloid covers on how loose weight here and there, makeup ads on how cover up this and that, surveys on what your man wants (written by a woman even), all fronted with pictures of 19-21 year old women who's physiques are NOT the norm and never have been but are shown with such regularity that one would think,  by sheer volume of material, that they were.


    Then there's the money. As an example, take a look at the difference in price between hair color for men, and hair color for women. Take a look at a stainless steel and black colored razor and a pink one, or a pink/baby blue can of shaving gel and a black one. It sickens me, it really does.


    Several years ago, silk boxers were about 12 bucks for a 3 pair package. Once the corporate vultures found out women like wearing them, they started packaging them in flowery tubes one at a time and selling them for 24 bucks each. A business suit for a woman is typically twice to 3 times more expensive than a man's of the same type of material...sometimes even MORE poorly made and FAR less versitile in it's styling.


    Keep in mind, this is just one man's view of the situation, and I'm using not-so-subtle examples to make my point. Looking for a sale and finding things for a good price is one thing, but HAVING to do it to keep youself in a respectable wardrobe is another thing entirely.


    I myself have to pay more for larger sizes, and while I take issue with this because I know my clothes don't use 4 to 8 dollars more material (I'm big, but I ain't THAT damn big.), I get completely disgusted when I see the price-to-quality ratio in women's clothing these days. And don't even get me started on make-up...to cop a line from one of my favorite movies..


    "Mary Kay is the debble!"

  • I LOVE getting stuff in the mail! Not only is shopping on the net cool, but you get little packages to open later!


    some of the best tshirts are at ThinkGeek.com, observe:


    ..just some of my more recent fashun statements.


    Oh yea, and the second thing about shopping online....an ample supply of bubblewrap! One cannot resist the siren call of bubblewrap...

  • ARSONISTS SUE FOR INSURANCE BENEFITS AFTER BEING DENIED COVERAGE FOR DAMAGES THEY CAUSED TO NEIGHBORING BUILDING


    Two Alpena, Michigan men set an arson fire in their store with the hope of collecting insurance money. They admitted that they intended to simply have a small, smokey fire that would damage their inventory, which apparently wasn't selling very well, so they could collect on their insurance policy. However, when the fire spilled over into the adjoining store, the men sued the insurance company. They argued that they set the fire in their own store, but that the fire next door was accidental and therefore they should receive coverage for the damage to the other building. A panel of the state Court of Appeals amazingly reversed the trial court's decision to dismiss this ridiculous case, but the Michigan Supreme Court, in a unanimous decision, eventually reversed the Court of Appeals and ruled that the fire "cannot be characterized as an accident."


    DRUNKEN PARTIER SUES POLICE
    FOR NOT ARRESTING HER


    After a police officer decided not to take an intoxicated woman into custody, she sued him. She admitted that she could not remember most of the events that night, only that she was too drunk to drive (she also admitted that she was too drunk to rely on any promises possibly made by the officer). This case was dismissed by a lower court, and the Appeals Court agreed, ruling that the police officer had no duty to place her in protective custody.


    INMATE BLAMES STATE FOR HIS
    FLATULENCE, THEN SUES


    According to a Michigan Assistant Attorney General testifying before the Michigan Senate Judiciary Committee, frivolous prisoner lawsuits are overburdening state and federal courts. In Case No. 9650302, a prisoner sued the state blaming the food in prison for his flatulence problem. The Attorney General's Office estimates the annual cost of defending the state against frivolous prisoner lawsuits to be several million dollars, all paid for by the state taxpayer.


    SPILLED COFFEE LEADS TO LAWSUIT AGAINST POPULAR MICHIGAN TRAVEL STOP


    Oasis Truck Stop, a popular travel stop located at the intersection of M59 and US23 in Hartland, was sued by a customer who spilled coffee on herself. The makers of the coffee machine and coffee mug were also sued. The customer's lawyer claimed the coffee was too hot, yet the temperature of the coffee was shown to be exactly what it should have been according to accepted industry standards. Amazingly, a panel of "objective" mediators appointed by the court suggested a settlement that would have rewarded the customer with $62,500. Later, a jury found the defendants not guilty of any negligence and awarded zero dollars, but only after considerable cost to the defendants.


    WOMAN SUES CHILD AFTER ICE SKATING COLLISION


    A 12 year old girl was skating at a public ice rink in Berkley, Michigan when she ran into another skater and knocked her down causing a knee injury to the fallen skater. The injured woman sued the girl. The trial court dismissed the case saying that the child's manner was not reckless. The trial court stated that the accident occurred during an open skating session at the ice rink and that there are certain risks that must be assumed by participants in recreational activities, especially on ice which is in itself dangerous because of its slippery and hard nature. Sadly, a panel of the Court of Appeals reversed the trial court decision and allowed the case to go to trial. Fortunately for the girl and her family, the Supreme Court reversed the Court of Appeals stating that "When one combines the nature of ice with the relative proximity of skaters of various abilities, a degree of risk is readily apparent..."


    HOMEOWNER SUES SAYING:
    "THIS DUST IS TRESPASSING!"


    A Michigan couple sued the owners of a nearby business claiming that dust, noise and vibrations invaded their property and therefore were trespassing. A jury actually found in their favor, but a Court of Appeals panel overturned the jury's verdict. The Appeals court stated that noise, vibrations and dust are intangible objects and can not be considered as trespassers.


    HOMEOWNERS SUED BY CLEANING LADY WHO MISTAKES FIRECRACKER FOR A CANDLE


    A woman from Grand Haven, Michigan filed a lawsuit for more than $25,000 after she was injured by a firecracker she took from a condominium that she had cleaned. While dining later with friends at a restaurant, the woman lit the firecracker claiming that she mistakenly thought it was a decorative candle. The explosion resulted in severe injuries to the woman. She sued the owners of the condo for leaving the firecracker behind without a warning on it. The condo owners said that they had placed the device, which looks like a "huge firecracker," in a cupboard to keep it away from the children after someone left it at their house after a party.


    BOWLER'S LAWSUIT IS A REAL TURKEY


    A woman sued a bowling alley claiming she slipped and fell on an icy pothole which resulted in a disc herniation. She claimed no previous back problems, but her medical records showed numerous lower back problems over the past 10 years, and she was diagnosed with lumbar radiculitis the previous year. Bowling alley league records proved that she completed the remaining 14 WEEKS of the season after the alleged fall. In addition, a meteorologist testified that weather conditions for that day could not have formed ice. A jury determined that the bowling alley was not at fault.


    COLLEGE STUDENT INJURED BY
    JOCK SUES THE COLLEGE DEAN


    A college student who was attacked by a student-athlete sued the dean of judicial affairs for negligence. The student-athlete had previously attacked two other people and, because of this, the victim claimed that the dean should have known of the athlete's violent tendencies. The Appeals Court ruled that the trial court was correct in dismissing the case because there is no existing special relationship between athletes on scholarship and an associate dean of student judicial affairs. The Court stated that the defendant was entitled to costs and attorney fees since the victim's lawsuit was "vexatious and without any reasonable basis for a belief in its merit."


    PASSENGER ON CITY BUS TRIES TO
    CASH IN AFTER MINOR ACCIDENT


    In Detroit, a passenger on a city bus sued when the bus was rear-ended by a van, causing only a cracked taillight and split hose. The woman claimed she was thrown about the bus and injured. However, the bus driver testified that the air brakes where on and that the passengers boarding the bus did not move at the time of the collision. A Wayne County Circuit Court jury found no injury.


    BASKETBALL PLAYER TRIPS ON
    ROCKS, SUES HOMEOWNER


    During a pickup basketball game, a man tripped and fell over decorative rocks along a driveway where the basketball net was located. He then sued the homeowner. The injured man's friend testified that he had not only noticed the rocks but also pointed them out. The man denied seeing the rocks but admitted that if he had looked up he would have seen them. The trial court judge found that the property owner was not at fault since the rocks were open and obvious. The Court of Appeals agreed.


    WOMAN IN WHEELCHAIR ROLLS INTO PARKING GATE, BUT HER LAWSUIT GETS WHEELED
    OUT OF COURT


    While an employee of Hutzel Hospital was being pushed in a wheelchair through an entrance ramp that was not intended to be used by people in wheelchairs, she was struck in the head by a parking gate. The woman sued the makers of the gate for causing her closed head injuries and shoulder and neck pains. Other employees of the hospital stated that the ramp was not meant for wheelchairs and that there was a walkway next to the parking lot that accommodated wheelchairs. The jury found the maker of the gate not to be at fault.


    TRESPASSER TRIPPED UP IN COURT


    When a man let his two dogs out of his house, they began chasing something and ran across neighbor's property. When the dog owner chased his dogs over the neighbor's property, he injured himself when he stepped into a snow-covered fence post hole and fell. He sued the property owner for negligence. The Appeals Court agreed with the lower court's decision to dismiss the case saying that since the man was trespassing, the owner of the property was not required to make sure his property was safe from people falling in the snow-covered hole.


    SWINGSET MANUFACTURER SUED
    AFTER 20-YEAR OLD SWING BREAKS

    A six year-old plaintiff was awarded nothing from an Oakland County jury for his lawsuit against a swing manufacturer that he alleged had a faulty design. The child allegedly fell off a swing at a public park because the seat was wobbly and loose. However the manufacturer testified that the swing was over twenty years old and that it had been altered, in particular the lock washers that kept the seat stable were missing.